Exquisite

I want to feel 

Your skin

Gliding into 

My skin 

Immature

My shit

has been

put together

for so long

that I fear

I have hit

the point

of unravel 

too early 

for my

Time. 

Lies.

I'm drowning my sorrows

with phony pretention

and 20% off bottles of wine.

I'm hiding my fear

in sarcasm,

diversion, 

and dirty humor. 

I'm running away from the pain

that I refuse to acknowledge,

because to do so 

would be admitting

that I was wrong 

to begin. 

Quitter

When the going gets tough,

I get going. 

Fragmented

It's not real. 

None of it. 

Nothing. 

Everything. 

The swirling images 

Chaotic thoughts 

The birage of confusion 

I can't keep the imaginary

From bleeding into

Reality. 

Some of the Times

I wonder sometimes

Often

Constantly 

My mind plays trick with the light

With the shadows

With the air in my lungs 

Sometimes 

It all just feels like I'm tumbling

Down 

Down

Down

The rabbit hole

And sometimes

It feels like I'm flying high 

In a tiny Cessna

The ground below- perfect

Most times though...

Most times I look at my feet

And see that they're firmly rooted to the Earth

There are always shoes on my feet,

(the biggest problem with modern society)

So I imagine that I have X-Ray vision

I start to wiggle my toes

My mind plays more tricks

To convince me of the dirt between my toes

And just like that

Reality snaps back into place

And the day moves forward 

With its constant gravity. 

Extrapolated

I don't know

Up from down

Is it my head

or my ass 

in the gound? 

Not only do I not know

Black from white,

but I see green instead. 

Stress induced creativity? 

Or is this plain insanity?

Selfish

Everyday

I get ready 

I workout

I get ready again

I go to work 

At work I laugh. 

I feel productive. 

I feel like the bullshit I'm doing

Matters 

I go home

I cook dinner

I relax

I don't worry about tomorrow

Everyday 

You wonder if you'll live through it

You hope that your kids won't find you

if you don't

You pray today will be the day 

That they say, "Cancer Free"

You go to endless doctor appointments

You grin and bear the pain 

The biopsy's 

The tests

The enless fucking waiting 

You tell me of your struggles

The ones I'll never understand

Everyday

I am selfish. 

Change

Some people panic about

the drastic changes in the weather

Going from freezing cold to blisteringly hot in a day

A tornado one day, a snowstorm the next

But I live for this shit. 

The exultation in the change

The energy in the air

The smell of the wind

The change in the sound of my footsteps

The shift in the wildlife

And the movement in the trees

This is my lifeforce

The change in the wind.

Perspective

The trail may look more narrow

When you bring your hand to your brow line,

and squint your eyes to see. 

The tree line looks more dense

The birds tiny flecks in the sky

The pebbles a sea of sand

When life is far away,

the end so unclear. 

Nothing defined or cut in stone,

and not what it seems from far away.

The only way to see it clearly

is to continue to hike the journey. 

One foot in front of the other,

make space for the dips and inclines underfoot,

allow the body and mind to adapt,

and just keep going.