Fight

I feel the pressure building

Steam, rising

Water, rolling

Cascading down the sides of my pot,

Sizzle, steam, and char the burner. 

Option 1: let the fucker burn. 

Watch it destroy everything in its path,

Sterilizing as it goes,

Wiping the slate clean.

Option 2: turn the fucking heat down.

Watch the bubbles begin to fade,

And the water go back to calm,

Demolishing only that which was initally charred. 

It's too damaging

To fight

When it's so easy

To simmer. 

Train

Black as the morning night

Blurring by at speeds of "high"

Random spots of reds and greens

Streak by these large, ominous, windows

Yellow lighting leaves a bitter taste upon your skin

While you watch the sewer grates steam in the cold

Random thoughts upon cell phone paper

Black and white font 

Blends to grey

Defy

How dare I 

have the audacity

to think I matter?

Change

I keep waiting 

Waiting

And waiting

For this feeling to dissipate.

For this wrong

To turn right. 

For the unsettled

To reconcile. 

It's not. 

It hasn't. 

It won't. 

How can anything change,

If I change nothing?

Hold, please

I just want you to hold me
to soak up a little of my pain.

This is not

In my dreams I wreak havoc

Tearing down walls,

And never rebuilding them.

I cause pain,

Anguish,

Torment,

Blood,

Bruising,

More blood…

And I walk away,

Not worrying about the pieces left scattered.

In my dreams I am the destroyer

Of all things good and joyful.

The destruction doesn’t make me happy,

But it doesn’t upset me.

The annihilation of all things good

Just is

It’s who I am.

In my dreams I am impassive

and uncaring.

The vibrancy of life has been depleted,

The passion

The elation

The ecstasy.

It’s all just a blur of greys,

Bored eyes,

Heavy eyelids.

In my nightmares I am surrounded by blood.

By pain, and death, and hate, and screams.

In my nightmares I am not me.

This is not me.

This is not me.

This is not me.

This is not real.

Beats

Vision never clear
Fog always near
Dreamy state of aware
Chaos bled bare
Nevermind.
My heart hurts
I can feel it beating everywhere
My chest throbs
It longs to jump out
And bleed for you

Speak

Let me listen

to your heartbeat,

because you won't speak.

Let me feel your body talk 

and let me feel your mouth move,

because you won't speak. 

I don't mind

sitting with you in silence.

My mind moves a million miles an hour anyway. 

but in my chatter

it makes you feel at home,

Because you won't speak.

I wish you could speak. 

Alive!

Tree branches expand against the wall,
with the backdrop of the moon.
My soul begins to howl
at the moon,
at the stars,
and the shadows of the night.
I am alive.
I am alive.
I AM ALIVE!
I will not be broken,
I will no longer succumb-
Never again will I be broken by this,
by these tricks of the night.
I am alive.
I have always been alive,
I will stay alive,
You will no longer break me.
Instead, you will heal me.
The moonlight will seal my wounds,
and bathe me in its glory.
Shadows of light
crawl and shift across the bedrooms walls,
and I am blossoming
I.
Am.
Alive.

For me

I will not have my life be barricaded:

Blistered and broken

Torn and decrepit

My life will have purpose.

My blisters will become callouses,

That toughen me.

My broken heart will mend,

Its scar tissue making me brave.

My ligament tears,

To serve as lessons.

And my decrepit past,

A guiding light.

I will not wallow in self-pity,

Or defeat.

I will stand up.

Even if my legs shake

I will stand up.

Even if my stomach heaves.

I will stand up.

For me.

Corporate

Reflective
Like the surface of a skyscraper

Distorted
Broken
Political
Damaged

High heels
Blisters
Thigh gaps
Bird food

Computer monitors
Blaring
Raging
White
White
White

I feel dead inside