This is not

In my dreams I wreak havoc

Tearing down walls,

And never rebuilding them.

I cause pain,

Anguish,

Torment,

Blood,

Bruising,

More blood…

And I walk away,

Not worrying about the pieces left scattered.

In my dreams I am the destroyer

Of all things good and joyful.

The destruction doesn’t make me happy,

But it doesn’t upset me.

The annihilation of all things good

Just is

It’s who I am.

In my dreams I am impassive

and uncaring.

The vibrancy of life has been depleted,

The passion

The elation

The ecstasy.

It’s all just a blur of greys,

Bored eyes,

Heavy eyelids.

In my nightmares I am surrounded by blood.

By pain, and death, and hate, and screams.

In my nightmares I am not me.

This is not me.

This is not me.

This is not me.

This is not real.