Disconnected

I try to call you 

But your phone is disconnected

I go to your house

But there’s a notice of abandonment on the door

I wait for another letter in the mail

But one will never come again  

I find your opal ring

And run it through my fingers like you’re a genie 

and it’ll call you back

All I have left of you are memories

And physical items that don’t house your soul

They don’t fill a room with your lively spirit

And they don’t loudly laugh the way you always did

I look for pieces of you in my daughter

I look at my face in the mirror and try to find something

Anything

But you’re gone 

And I wonder if there is a newborn somewhere being reborn with your soul

Or if you’re in the afterlife with your siblings and mom

Wherever you are, 

I hope you’re happy beyond measure 

Crippled

Pain changes people on a physiological level. 

Cells mutate

Destroy each other

Make new

And this twisted up

Decayed

Shell of a human 

Somehow still has to walk without a limp 

Lost

It’s dark in here

And I cannot see a thing. 

When the sun rises, filling the space with light

I still cannot see a thing. 

The fog replacing the dark

Leaving me only a few inches of sight. 

And I fumble around 

Knocking things over in my haste to escape 

Escape to where? I never know. 

I no longer even know my own mind. 

I am lost

In the dark

In the fog

The way so unclear

I am lost 

That I’m even able to write this 

Means I am finding a way. 

I will find a way out

Back into the clear light of day. 

Still

The world didn’t lose its magic

The sun still warms the gravestones 

The soil still transforms rot into life

The trees still feed the sky

The moon still pulses positivity 

The tides still rise and fall 

The world didn’t lose its magic

I just did. 

Good Luck

They don’t tell you how difficult it gets,

How treacherous the road is,

Because they either didn’t travel it

Or they simply don’t have the words 

Doors

To be accepted and loved 

For exactly who you are

Feels so rare and strange

It takes a second, or 40,000, to accept it.

And then it’s like a door,

You never knew existed,

Has been unlocked,

With a key you never knew it needed,

And you’re flying. 

You’re soaring and sobbing and scared

And it’s freeing and beautiful and terrifying

And a million more emotions,

That you didn’t even know existed.

I say fuck it

Fly. Fly into the currents

And feel the good as it swallows you whole

Having faith that should you fall 

You have stood back up 

Every other time before

And you most certainly will stand up again. 

Dragonflies

Dragonflies dancing in sunbeams filtered by trees

Their shadows flirting in the grass

Frogs and crickets singing of summer’s upcoming demise

A deep, warm, inhale to bring peace

A long, slow, exhale to release

In this moment

All is well