Pulse

I used to stare at the heartbeat in my wrist

Pounding with all its might through my flesh

I stared at it for so many hours, days, and years

That I find my eyes still drawn to it

To the small white scar in the shape of an X

The strength of my heart, my will, pushing the shape up

Forcing my gaze, my breath, my attention

On the X that marks the spot

Light

The light within me, though dim

Makes itself known. 

It says, “Don’t forget about me!”

Yet year after year I shove it down,

Pile darkness atop it,

And forget. 

I forget that spark of life exists

That I am not a machine

I am not only logic and reason

But I am human, mammal, animal

With strength of will and heart

With grit to withstand impossibilities

And a core of light so bright

That it would blind all of my insecurities.

If only I would release it

If only I would accept it

Little by little, I do.

I release her into the unknown

With no direction,

No attempt at control or guidance.

I let the light within me out

So that it may escape

And seek out its calling

Whatever that may be.