The Other

when I'm here

I wonder

what you would be like

under these circumstances

I wonder

how you would respond

I wonder 

what you would say

think 

do 

feel

I wonder

how my body would respond 

to yours

I wonder

if I'll ever get the chance

to stop wondering 

I bite

I bite

Scratch

Claw 

Tear

I am not sweet

Gentle

Passive

Meek

I am a fiesty bitch

And I will rip your heart out. 

Lost

I've lost my way. 

But I can't seem to give trust

to anyone that can help 

guide me home. 

Countdown

In today's world everything counts. 

How many coffees?

Miles

Calories

Minutes

People

Steps

Partners

Obligations

Measurements

Is there anything that doesn't have a number?

Everything that keeps us in the cyclical pattern of

insanity

is a number. 

That which really matters?

Well there is no way to associate that 

with just a number. 

A friend dying is not just a number. 

The people you love aren't a number. 

How something makes you feel cannot be counted. 

Sunsets cannot be counted (but they are numbered). 

If only time wasn't a number,

maybe then we would have more of it. 

Melodrama

Life is so cyclical.

Waxing and waning, 

crescents and fulls.

I can see my own bullshit,

written within these constructs.

Rinse. 

Cycle. 

Repeat. 

I tear through men like a Mexican over the USA border.

I love them all, truly I do...

But never enough to give away my independence. 

Never enough to say goodbye to my freedom. 

Never enough to give them children and a wife. 

The reality isn't that they aren't good enough for me,

rather that they are too good for me. 

My mind is a fucking cess pool,

no one can enter it and live. 

My heart is ravaged and shredded,

the arteries are too clogged to pump out love.

My body has been too torn apart and abused,

to ever accept another's love and touch. 

I take these men,

these truly good men,

and I rip them apart. 

I make them just like me.

Little bitty dolls that feel and act just like I do. 

It's a disease. 

A virus. 

A monster. 

I am the virus. 

I will reside in your spine,

and infect your mind. 

There is no vaccination,

no cure,

no treatment plan.

Doctor's orders are to run the fuck away,

and never look back. 

Divide

There is a divide

Between us

I don't know how hard 

I should try 

Because I'm too used to

Raising the white flag

Picking up the pieces

Of my heart

And moving on

Leaving the dust in the air

To settle 

With you

Darkness

loving another 

means witnessing their

darkness 

and loving 

even

their flaws. 

but what if 

loving another 

only means 

their light 

shines so brightly 

upon your darkness

that it illuminates

how filthy 

you really are?

Inspire

I watched you drag

Your life through the coals,

and your soul through the mud. 

I watched you target

Those happiest around you,

to see if they would crumble too. 

I watched you shoot 

Each joyful thought,

in its face. 

I watched you give up

When everyone around you,

kept up the pace. 

I watched you try to inspire

Fear. Hatred. Loathing. Anger. 

I watched you fail.