Blip

I wondered

And wondered

And wondered

Where you went

Why you went blip

Blip

Blip

Silent

On the radar

But nothing I could think

Seemed good enough to say 

Because I have no answers

I have no solutions

And that’s an uncomfortable place

For anyone to be 

Attachment

Tired of always wondering

What it’s all for

What it all means

Why we do what we do

Not everything has to have meaning

Not everything has an attachment

And I’m tired

My mind is frayed

My heart is exhausted

My soul is tattered

Because life isn’t made

To constantly question 

But rather to float seamlessly

From port to port

Beer in hand

Coffee

I stuff myself into the cup of coffee

Neat and tidy and bitter

Sloshing over the edge

And between my lips. 

I swirl around myself

Like a little vacuum

Slurping up all the 

Indecently exposed pieces.

As the day goes on,

The bitterness fades

Leaving behind a shell 

In its wake.

And I’m left with just me again.

Dangerous. 

Sensitive. 

Fed up.

I’m left recalling every moment of the day 

(I forget nothing)

Deciding if I should care about it or not. 

But I’m too tired to care

Too tired to wonder

Too tired to sleep. 

And tomorrow morning 

I will shove myself once again 

Into that tidy coffee mug

And drink up 

My own bullshit. 

They know

If only

They knew

The thoughts

That run rampant

At 2am

When I haven’t yet

Fallen asleep.

If only 

They knew

How deep

Their words

Gouge. 

If only

They knew 

How scary 

It is 

To feel 

This alone

This often. 

If only

They knew 

That I think

Something might

Be wrong 

With me. 

Emerge

For all emergencies call 911

For all emergencies call 911

For all emergencies call 911

For all emergence call 

For all emergence call

....

To emerge from hell call

Call out your name

Call out my name

Just fucking call 

And yell and scream and cry

And buck the weight off your shoulders

Because it’s not yours to carry alone

It never was even yours at all 

So call 

And I will carry it for you 

So that you may rest. 

Nothing

My heart is not broken

it's not really anything.

My soul is not crushed

it's just observing. 

And all the while my mind

watches and waits for a sign

or anything at all to trigger it,

but there's nothing. 

For the first time in my existence

"Nothing" feels right

Nothing feels good

Nothing feels like a home

Nothing means 

I'm Healing

Blackhole

Just like that

The universe expanded and swallowed me whole

into your blackhole.

And we spun, and danced, and laughed

We thought we were the universe

but Blackholes end and destroy

and we were left in its wake,

with little pieces of us missing and displaced

And now we're here.

Not speaking.

Not writing.

Not anything.

And it's a little bit confusing

but only by comparison

Because you can't compare Earth to a Blackhole

and our feet never did touch the ground.

Whisper

Because our voices get saturated

With the opinions of others

They push their propaganda 

Down our throats

Into our eyes

And through the ear canals

Straight into our brains,

Where our whispers

Cannot be heard.

Our cries for help and love and tenderness

Are stomped and crushed

And we’re left hemorrhaging out

Blood pouring from our ears

Out our eyes, down our faces

Choking on it in our throats.

All this pain is a distraction

From the whisper-soft voice,

The one the tells us right from wrong

The one that guides us down our destined path

The one we never fucking listen to 

Anymore 

“It is easy to know who you are when you’re building a character; it is harder to find out who you are without inventing it.” ~Charlotte Eriksson

Runaway

What changed is

That you realized 

I caught you in your lies

But instead of admitting

To yourself, to me

You runaway again 

To another time,

Another place,

Hoping that 

She doesn’t catch you too 

But she will

Because 

You can’t run from

Yourself