Loathing and Heartache

Do you ever get a wave of memories
so hard
that it literally steals the breath out of your lungs?
It's like a stone cold fist,
in and up into your ribcage
under your lungs
with a close-fisted grip on your heart.

Did I make the wrong choice?
Will the decision I made screw everything up?
Do I want the easy way back?

As much as I can say to myself,
"Nothing worth having in life is easy"
sometimes the void plagues me,
it swallows me up into its trenches.

I miss the easy smiles and laughs.
I miss being goofy before bedtime.
I miss coming home and feeling completely at ease.
I miss our random weekend trips.
Life was so much fun with you.
Life was carefree.

I don't miss the stress.
Fretting over money.
Did you drink too much?
Did you actually quit smoking, or are you just hiding it?
Will I come home from a 14-hour day and have to clean up after you?
Did you turn the oven off?
Will you ever do the dishes?

The thing I love about you the most
is the exact thing I loathe.